diary

affirmations

i give easily

im a good listener

I have direction and purpose through my conviction in one God, Allah

5 17 2025

my name is mm i live in dc theres a concert i wanted to go to but feel scared and sick. i feel scared and sick in general. i wish i could let everything go and enjoy myself. i guess its a process. continuing to let go and continuing to enjoy myself. ive been so depressed for so long. so traumatized. i feel so misunderstood and lonely and tired. distrustful. but being distrustful isnt helpful. finding loving community means believing it exists. i wish i was less selfish. i wish i loved myself more so i didnt judge myself so harshly.

June 28, 2025

Movies

Touch was heartbreaking. I'm touch starved. Why couldn't the mom and daughter just have a healthy relationship where they could hold each other with love, physically and emotionally? What was the dad's issue? Then I watched half of Three Thousand Years of Longing. Truly beautiful and nice sounds.

Food

Bluestone Lane: had fries and salmon toast and matcha. So delicious.
At Peet's: had vanilla matcha, a plant-based sandwich, and a brownie.
At Whole Foods: had chickpeas, naan, samosa, dolma, lassi. So, so delicious.

June 29, 2025

Morning

I wake up and am angry and am tired and am still overwhelmed with my parents' food in the fridge that has somehow become a metaphor for my rancid relationship with them